Monday, June 21, 2010

Missing

two very important people in my life this week.  First, my baby boy. I sent him on a 9 day camping trip with his Boy Scout troop to Georgia.  What was I thinking!!! I know this is great for him to grow and learn and become more independent and hopefully become less of a winer and less of a momma's boy but I MISS HIM sooooo much. I'm used to sharing him every other weekend with his dad and I actually sometimes enjoy the time alone but this is more than what my heart can take.  I'm ok during the day because I'm either working or running errands but at night it's a whole other story. The same thing happens to him because he calls every night to cry and tell me he misses me too. He tells me amongst the tears that he's having a good time and they have done so many activites but he still wants to come home.  I'm so proud of him.  He's overcoming his fears and facing new challenges. I'm so thankful to be a part of a troop that has strong family values, how we have become an extended family over the years and how we watch over each other's kids as if they were our own. 

Five more days and he'll be home. I can't wait to hear the stories and see the pictures that I hope they take.  

ETA: He just called to tell me he's having a great time and they did lots of activities. He did get a headache and had to see the Dr. He's not drinking enough liquids but thank goodness they gave him something for it and he was fine.



The second man in my life that I miss so much it hurts sometimes is my DADDY!!! Father's day is never easy but as the years pass I cry less but I'm able to celebrate his life more and rejoice in the wonderful memories we shared.   My mother and I went to his gravesite to take him flowers.   It's so incredibly strange but I had the desire to take pictures of the gravesite to create a layout on how I was feeling that day. I don't know when I'll do it because I see the pictures now and I get an overwhelming desire to cry and scream WHY... Deep down inside I know why, I know he's in Heaven, I know he has no more pain, I know he watches over me and I know he loved us with all his heart but I want to be selfish, I want him here, I want to take more pictures, I want him to spend the weekends working on household projects with me, I want him to walk to the gas station to buy candy with D. I want to hug him and tell him how very much I love him. 

So today, I'll just pray and remember and just cry.



Goodnight!!!

4 comments:

jo said...

*hugs*! :)

Damaris said...

How totally blessed to have had such a wonderful man in your life. You are truly one of the lucky one's. The only thing I can say is that time does give you peace. But so far to tell you the truth the (selfishness) has not gone away...atleast for me. 8 years later and I still wish Tio Bey was still here. I believe it's OK to be selfish with those thoughts. (I love you mucho!!! HUGS!!!)
I miss mr. D. too. He is such a trooper. I think I would be calling my momma every 15 minutes...
mom, I miss you.
Mom, I want to come home.
Mom, come pick me up!!! LOL
I am so glad he is doing well. HE is becoming a fine young man my friend.
KUDOS TO YOU BIG MOMMA!!!
Hugs,
Me

RiNNE said...

I know it may not seem like it now...but a bit of distance will do you and your son some good. it will teach him to be more independent, play with others, and rely on himself.

I'm sorry for your loss with your dad. I'm sure he is looking down at you from Heaven and misses you as well.

Love,
Rinne

Vanessa, Florida, USA said...

I know you missed D dearly and he also missed you -- and he now appreciates you a LOT! I'm sure!!! It's good for him to learn just a tad of independence and to spend time with other kids. I know it must not have been easy but you both did it. Be proud! XOXO
As for your Dad, what can I say??? All I know is that he is at peace and looking at you from Heaven and he will ALWAYS be your angel... I know you miss him and wish he was here, but one day you will be reunited again... I love you girl!!!